I Was “Mom First” For Years — Now I’m Learning To Be Bree Again

For years, “Mom first” wasn’t just something I said — it was how I lived. My days, my time, my plans all started with what my son needed, and everything else about me fit in wherever there was room left. Most days, there wasn’t much room left.

Then something shifted. He’s older now. More self-sufficient. He doesn’t need me in the same hands-on, every-minute way he used to — and nobody warns you about what that feels like for you.

At first, the extra time felt strange. A little empty, even. When you’ve built your whole identity around being needed, quiet hours can feel less like freedom and more like a question: Okay… so who am I when I’m not just “Mom”?

I’m learning the answer in real time. My focus is changing — the goals and dreams I put on hold are getting louder again. Dating looks different, too. I’m not working around a little child’s schedule anymore; I get to show up as a whole woman, in her 40s, who knows what she brings and what she wants.

I won’t pretend I’ve got it all figured out. Some days rediscovering yourself feels exciting. Some days it feels lonely. Both can be true in the same week.

But here’s what I know: this stage isn’t the end of something. It’s the beginning of me getting back to me — and I’m not apologizing for that.

I talked about this in my newest 40’s Somethings video — watch it here: https://youtube.com/shorts/TtGJFp8usgg

If you’re in this stage too, I want to hear from you: what changed first for you — your time, your focus, or your dating life? Tell me in the comments. I read them.

— Bree

P.S. New videos go up on my YouTube channel, @IAmSimpleeBree — subscribe there so you don’t miss the next one.