Category: Single Motherhood Real Talk

Nobody warns you about this stage of motherhood. When your child gets older and more self-sufficient, things change — and nobody prepared me for any of them. Here are the three that hit me first.

1. My time

I used to plan my whole day around what he needed. Now there are hours in my day that are just… mine. At first that felt strange. A little empty, even — a little guilty, if I’m honest. Then I realized: this is the first time in years I’ve had time that’s actually mine.

2. My focus

For years it was mom first, everything else second. Now my dreams are getting louder again. The goals I put on hold? They’re back on the table — and I’m not apologizing for that.

3. Dating

It’s different when your child is older and has his own life. I’m not sneaking around a nap schedule anymore. I get to show up as a whole woman — not just somebody’s mama.

I talked through all three in this video — watch it here: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/MP8mZTATuPI

If you’re in this stage too, tell me: which one changed for you first — your time, your focus, or your love life? I’ll go first: time. It felt strange before it felt like freedom. Focus came next. The love life? She’s arriving in her own time. 🤎

Tell me yours in the comments — I read them.

— Bree

P.S. New videos go up on my YouTube channel, @IAmSimpleeBree — subscribe so you don’t miss the next one.

For years, “Mom first” wasn’t just something I said — it was how I lived. My days, my time, my plans all started with what my son needed, and everything else about me fit in wherever there was room left. Most days, there wasn’t much room left.

Then something shifted. He’s older now. More self-sufficient. He doesn’t need me in the same hands-on, every-minute way he used to — and nobody warns you about what that feels like for you.

At first, the extra time felt strange. A little empty, even. When you’ve built your whole identity around being needed, quiet hours can feel less like freedom and more like a question: Okay… so who am I when I’m not just “Mom”?

I’m learning the answer in real time. My focus is changing — the goals and dreams I put on hold are getting louder again. Dating looks different, too. I’m not working around a little child’s schedule anymore; I get to show up as a whole woman, in her 40s, who knows what she brings and what she wants.

I won’t pretend I’ve got it all figured out. Some days rediscovering yourself feels exciting. Some days it feels lonely. Both can be true in the same week.

But here’s what I know: this stage isn’t the end of something. It’s the beginning of me getting back to me — and I’m not apologizing for that.

I talked about this in my newest 40’s Somethings video — watch it here: https://youtube.com/shorts/TtGJFp8usgg

If you’re in this stage too, I want to hear from you: what changed first for you — your time, your focus, or your dating life? Tell me in the comments. I read them.

— Bree

P.S. New videos go up on my YouTube channel, @IAmSimpleeBree — subscribe there so you don’t miss the next one.